I could never run a company. I’m too idealistic.

If I did, it would have to be the kind of place where everyone eats gourmet lunches for free. There would be no dress code, and everyone that worked there would be creative and intense and passionate about her job. She would also be very well paid. It would be humanitarian, and enviornmentally friendly, and open source, and all of our products would be beautifully designed and perfectly calibrated. Everyone would feel a part of the big picture, and there would be a trampoline in the employee lounge. It would be like some strange combination of Apple, Google, and elementary school.

There is one bad thing about being accepted early to college. You go out of your mind with anticipation. And, unlike most other people, you have months and months of high school left.

I don’t really mind going to school, but I have no work ethic. Homework, studying… not so much. I don’t really care anymore. I can tell that I’m working short term. I’m just functioning on a day-to-day basis, not really learning anything. I don’t need to worry about finals, so there’s no point in taking notes or paying attention in biology if I can just read the book the night before a test and do really well. There’s no point in really learning the physics because all our tests are take-home and open book. I should do calculus homework, but he never checks it and barely mentions it in class. My grades aren’t really going down yet, though - and, let’s be honest, I would start doing more work if I dropped to a B+ in more than one or two subjects. I guess I like to pretend I’m a slacker, but I’m really not. I can get away with not studying very much and doing only required assignments, but I would never hand anything in late.

Then there’s The Laptop. I have been dying for my own laptop since I was about seven. It’s always been the understanding that my parents would buy me one for college as a high school graduation present. The day of acquisition is near. Near enough that I can start researching (and I have, more than you can imagine), but not near enough for it to be really soon. It’s far enough away that all the research is torture. I’ve decided on the Apple iBook, 14 inches, with the Combo Drive. I know the exact configuration I want, and which mouse and printer I’m going to buy. I know which iPod I’ll get if they have a $200-off-an-iPod-when-you-buy-a-PowerBook-or-iBook deal this summer like they did last summer. I’m not sure why this whole laptop thing matters to me as much as it does. I think about it as much as I think about actually going to college.

And I think about going to college a lot. Where I’m going to live, which courses I’m going to take, what my major will be, exactly what I’ll bring. I won’t bore you with the specifics, except for the fact that I’m planning to major in Neuroscience & Behavior. It’s going to drive me crazy because I have so long to wait. Can’t I just skip the next few months?

Oh, Wesleyan. You drive me crazy.

I like to make New Year’s resolutions, though I barely think about them afterwards. I typically have the same goals year-round, but I guess it’s helpful to lay them out once in a while and look them over. So here we go. In 2005 I’d like to . . .

• Be healthier. Some people are probably going to think this is ridiculous, but I want to lose at least five or ten pounds. My BMI is hovering right at the upper limit of “Healthy,” and I’d like it to be lower. Plus, I feel better when I eat well and exercise. Unfortunately, this rarely translates into me actually wanting to do those things.
• Be less of a recluse. This is more for college than it is for now. I’m okay with my life right now, but in college I want to spend less time sitting around by myself and more time out with my friends. This means being more open and less afraid of both other people and rejection.
• Take more pictures of people. I take a lot of pictures of things, but very few of people outside my family. I want a lot of pictures of people from school to take with me to college.
• Be more invested in things. I tend to float through life without ever really trying very hard at anything, or caring much at all. I’d like to stop that. It will not serve me well later in life.

Can you tell I’m obsessed with going to college?

I feel like there should be more, and there probably is, but I can’t think of it right now.